twenty thousand leagues under the sea....and u dont have a drop of water to drink...man...big achievement..twenty thousand leagues under water...with all kinda scary things floating all around of u...illusions of beauty..wrapped up in all kinda protective gear...illusions of safety..!!!twenty thousand leagues under the sea and ur soooo fukin alone...!!!

there are times wen u have so many people around u...yet feel like a loner....times wen u have everything in the world lying in front of u...spread eagle....yet u cant reach out and grab 'em...!!!not that u dont want to.....but just tht u cant....u just cant !cuz there are things around u ...happening...tht keep u from reachin out.!!!

and u go out in the cold...smoke a cigarette....and the wind comes whistling..tearing apart the silence...and hits u in the face....and u realise...nuthing's calm...illusions of calmness!and u think...all ur life u kept thinking...sumday...u wud be sumthing...sumthing big....sum fukin movie god...sum sports icon..rockstar...sumthing....and u wud never do stuff that the crowd does....the usual "bread -house-car" jobs tht keep lesser mortals engaged for the span of their entire lives...and the wind...it screams in ur ear..time out tuff guy...u gotta be the same "things" that other mortals are...crawling the surface of earth,lusting for material pleasures....totally unaware of the stuff thats super-limen....above the fukin threshold..!!stuff thats waiting....thts been waiting for all this time...!!stuff thats been calling u...that the world is urs for the taking...!
but the wind...it fukin slaps its wings on ur face ..and throws down realities ...that come crashing down on u....and u have no choice but 2 answr....u hafta say that okay fine...i will get a good job...i will marry a gud girl...i will be a gud son,husband,father,brother.....but wot i will not do is...be myself...i wont be myself...i will stop chasing my dream...ill giv up my claims for self-actualisation...i will nvr think of transcending the miserable lives of lesser mortals.....the hypocrisy of human relations....the sticky filth of "humanhood"....thts stopping me from opening my eyes...or gettin up 2 face the world...!!!i will stay burried under that 4evr....!!!

okay...gotta go now....will finish this up later...!